Rachel E. Watson

I have thrilling news to share on the creative writing front!

Some of you might remember that I've been attending Breathe Writers' Conference here in Grand Rapids for the past five years (this year will be my sixth!).

One of my favorite workshop leaders at the conference, Amy Nemecek, who is an extraordinary poet and book editor, decided she wanted to do more for the attendees than provide breakout sessions; she wanted to offer them a venue in which to submit work.

Back in October, as the conference was drawing to a close, she announced she would be starting Exhale: A Journal of the Breathe Writers Conference — a literary publication for Breathe attendees past and present featuring fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry.

I submitted three poems in January and found out last night that two of them, "The Fallow Field" and "Hymn for Hesitation," were accepted for publication in the inaugural issue.

I am beyond excited to hold the journal in my hand this fall and read the beautiful words written by women and men from all walks of life who I've come to know over the past half-decade.

Stay tuned for the big reveal this October!

Update: A link to the journal, where the Exhale issue is available to purchase, is here.

"Jane Austen at Home: A Biography," by Lucy Worsley

The Barr Brothers

Lord, I Just Can't Keep From Crying

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anais Nin

• C.S. Lewis (eventually) believed it, after years of questioning and doubting. 
• G.K. Chesterton was convinced.  
• George Washington wrestled and found a form of God he could accept. 
• J.E.B. Stuart was devout and articulate in his written prayers and letters. 
• Robert E. Lee had trouble understanding God because of death and destruction. But He loved Him anyway. 
• Maya Angelou's poetry and personal writings clearly show a heart turned toward God despite unspeakable levels of trauma. 
• Flannery O’Connor was a lifelong doubter who rolled around inside Catholicism and prayed eloquently, fervently and honestly, grasping the truth tightly with both hands. 
• Louisa May Alcott wanted to believe God but felt she couldn’t. Transcendentalism was too powerful an influence, and it appealed to her deeply. 
• L.M. Montgomery often tried to find and love God but was distracted by the abuse from her preacher husband. 
• A.N. Wilson rejected the idea of God for years as an agnostic but finally came around. 
• So did J.R.R. Tolkien, who wrote the words above, "Not all who wander are lost." 
• Richard Dawkins and the late Christopher Hitchens built careers by destroying the evidence they saw in order to persuade others there is no possible way The Way could be true. 
• Folks like Ken Ham, John Piper and Albert Mohler have pieces of The Truth. But they have put up blinders to the rest, and, I believe, distort the parts they know.  
• Honest seekers like Rob Bell, Rachel Held Evans and Scot McKnight have made it their public mission to unhook The Church Universal from its warped presentation of The Gospel. 
• Pope Francis has tied the Vatican to a chair until the bishops and cardinals will listen to his voice of sanity, reason and compassion. The voice that traveled from humble roots in Argentina to sit in the world's most powerful chair is spreading healing to the whole world by washing the feet of lowly travelers.
• Jesus Christ represents the purest form of love that ever walked the Earth. His stories, writings, actions, words, group of friends and followers -- they all prove clearly to me He was not just a witty guy, a good prophet or an articulate and kind teacher. He was all of those things. And He IS -- STILL -- the Son of God, and He walks the streets of the heavenly realms waiting for the day when we will all finally get what He was all about. His mission was one of compassion and life-change everywhere He went. His voice accepts instead of condemning. He erases fear by spreading love and truth. 

Dear friends and readers,

Today is my birthday; I have officially entered the last year of my 20s.

Well, depending on who you ask. Because I know people who say -- and I tend to agree with them -- that you are always technically at least a year older than your numeric age.

This is because you spend nine months gestating and a full year post-partum before you are given the numeric age of "1 year old."

So I'm either 29 or 30 and nine months. Let that simmer in your stew pot.

Anyway, I'm feeling very grateful this weekend. For all of you readers. For my husband and family. For my little cat and my big cat. For my house, neighborhood, town, state, country and world. For my dear friends, all of whom are very creative and intelligent people.

I am so blessed to "know" you all. Some of you I haven't met officially, but you're faithful readers and that matters to me a great deal.

Thank you.

Thank you for being a part of my full, rich life. I cannot tell you how pleased I am to be your writer friend.

For some of you, I might be the only person you know who is a writer.

For others, I am just one among dozens or hundreds of committed writer friends.

Either way, I want you to know I am both serious and light-hearted about my job, and I will share that with you in every blog post.

Serious: I understand that being a writer is a complex, demanding and rewarding job, full of opportunities to build others up or tear them down. I want to choose life and compassion as my default pattern rather than criticism and destruction. You may hold me accountable to that.

Light-hearted: I continually reach for laughter as my favorite practice. It helps me experience joy. It helps me heal.

I try not to take myself too seriously, and I'd be tickled if you wouldn't take me too seriously, either.

I'm a playful person. I like to have a good time. I like to make people laugh.

I am often silly when I hang out with my closest confidantes. I bwa-ha-ha and guffaw just as much as the next person.

I adore improv and comedy writing. Some of my favorite people -- famous and less-famous -- employ humor, parody and satire to convey the truth as they experience it. Jon Stewart, Steve Martin, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Amy Sherman-Palladino, Mindy Kaling, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Stella Gibbons, Bill Bryson, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Sharon Garlough Brown, Lorilee Craker, Susie Finkbeiner, Michael Karpus, Adam Forrest, Pam Elmore, Rickey Ainsworth, Matthew Jensen, Mark Lago, the list goes from outstanding, famous celebrities to local writers to incredible friends who likely would describe themselves as "regular people."

But are they just regular people? They aren't to me. You aren't to me. You are special. Creative. Endearing.

Thank you for being a blog reader o' mine. I owe ya a cold beer and a big hug.

Rachel E. Watson

Let’s be honest. It’s hard to be self-motivated some days. It’s hard to stay on task and stick to goals. In fact, this week I've had three days in a row where I've fallen short of the writing goals I set for myself. Part of it is health-related and part of it is due to other life circumstances.

I am trying to give myself grace. I’m trying to keep in mind that I'm still developing my techniques for staying on task. After all, I've only been a full-time writer for a few months.

The to-do list is an essential exercise nonetheless. It’s how I stay on top of my full-time writing job.

This is my home office, where I do my writing each morning.

I go through phases where I hate mornings. Where mornings are The Devil, sent to torment me here on Earth. We wrestle for hours, days, months, and it can feel like a losing battle.

My loathing of the sunrise is tied to periods of depression. And I just got through another doozy of those recently, after leaving my seven-year editing job at MLive. I loved that vocation dearly. I loved my co-workers. I loved working in media, improving and sharing the news and features that can help shape us into responsible, compassionate citizens. And I loved coaching other young wordsmiths. Like my colleagues did for me when I was an intern.

I left voluntarily, for a good reason, but that didn't make it easier. And so I grieved. And plunged into a spell of depression.

Depression looks different for everyone and has a myriad of causes. For me, it was caused by grief. It manifested in my inability to get out of bed before 11 or 12 or to do much of anything besides read and binge-watch Netflix shows. I couldn't envision making plans beyond the immediate moment. That phase lasted for a couple of months.

One thing my counselor did to help bring me through depression was to encourage me to set one simple goal for myself each day. The first few times I tried this, the goals were as basic as getting out of bed before noon. Eventually, I progressed to more complex tasks and a greater number of goals each day.

Today, I am healthier, five months into my post-MLive life. For this, I give thanks to God, who provided therapy, a patient husband, my cats, exercise, a great church and several supportive friends and family members. I don't want to oversimplify the healing process, because I am still not fully past the lows in some ways. I still have hard days. But nothing like before.

On the other side of the worst of it, I have rediscovered my love of mornings. I can't say what came first, the lifting of my depression, or my choice to start getting up for the day when my husband goes to work. Likely, one enabled the other, and vice versa.



Either way, I now wake up excitedly Monday through Friday and head to my newly reorganized and redecorated home office. And here are some of the things I love about mornings:


1. I love the sound of birdsong outside my office window.

2. I love my fuchsia lava lamp, glurping and borbling quirkily away in that tiny space between my laptop and printer.

3. I love the time I can spend reading Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling" and looking up the relevant Scripture passages before I step into my work day.

4. I love the writing time, oh! the morning writing life. I am beyond thankful to be a part of this calling. I honestly don't know how I would heal from depression if not for my ability to write through it — and to share my insights with you, lovely readers. It is a precious gift, one I hope I never take for granted.

What can you choose to love about mornings?

Before you dive into the rest of your day, take a minute to ask yourself: Even if I am not a so-called "morning person," what is one thing about this morning for which I can give thanks? 

If you are struggling with depression, you might be surprised how helpful this kind of self-talk can be.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

Here's a question for you this lovely May weekend: What's an often-overlooked weapon in your arsenal as a creative person?

As many of you will have heard by now, earlier this week, three of my poems were accepted for publication in the May 2015 issue of Indiana Voice Journal.

While I’ve had nonfiction essays and articles published before, this is my debut as a poet.

In the past couple of days since I heard the news, I’ve become aware of some persistent questions banging around inside my head: “What’s next?” and “How can I top this?”

I thought they were just fleeting thoughts, but if anything, the urge to rush onward to the next milestone has only gotten stronger.

I think there’s a degree of this urgency in every productive writer’s life, and it’s healthy to a certain extent. It’s the drive to keep writing, to continue answering the call that’s been placed on our hearts.

But the feeling I’m describing now does not feel like a healthy one. It feels like an inability to stop in the moment and enjoy and celebrate my success. It feels like discontentment. Worry, even.

So, where do I turn to explore this phenomenon? Where do I find rest from the voice inside that whispers that this achievement is not good enough?

Looking for scriptural encouragement and instruction, I seek and find:

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” (I Timothy 6:6)
“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” (Psalm 68:19)
“Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22a)
“The Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” (Romans 8:26)
“But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.” (Psalm 68:3)
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4, emphasis mine)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Besides reading these verses, and offering up prayers, I am also trying to remember that I am not the only writer who has felt this restless discontentment, this feeling that a modicum of success is not enough, this realization that achievement does not equal happiness.

I've a hunch it’s partly why so many writers and artists battle depression and addiction. We forget, continually, that our creations can’t fulfill our every need.

To state this struggle of disillusionment is not a solution to the problem. It’s a reminder to stay alert for this temptation when and if success comes knocking again.

I will need to reread this post someday, when I have again forgotten that publication doesn’t bring complete satisfaction. I pray I'll have a copy of the scriptures nearby at that time, to connect me with the only One who can.

I’m thankful this story was my first venture into Atwood Land, because now I’m hooked. I certainly will read “The Handmaid’s Tale” and some of her other classics.

First, a forewarning: If you undertake to read this book at my recommendation, don’t be surprised if you find yourself, like one Goodreads reviewer noted, tempted to abandon ship because “the story moves too slowly.” I promise, the slow burn is intentional on Atwood’s part. The tale builds as new layers are added, and the payoff will be worth every moment you spent wondering whether the dust jacket copy had it right: that events will “follow one another at a breathtaking pace.”

On the novel’s first page, we learn Laura Chase has died of an apparent suicide, ten days after the end of World War II, and left behind her sister, who is narrator Iris Chase Griffen. Just as the story starts to unfold through Iris’s perspective, we are diverted to a novel within the novel, “The Blind Assassin,” which was published posthumously on behalf of Laura by Iris.

From there, the story alternates between the larger narrative – Iris, in her 80s in the year 1998, writing a memoir about her and Laura’s life and what led up to the suicide – and the novel-within-a-novel, a sci-fi story a young man tells to his lover as they meet in seedy places.
Read more posts in the Storytelling Sunday series here.

Why do I waste time when I want to be writing? There's a Seinfeld episode that holds the key.

It was part of my plan today to write a blog post first thing — either a new piece of short fiction or some thoughts about my writing process — but I’ve been procrastinating all day.

What I’ve done instead is I’ve read:

• Part of a Salon.com article about an English teacher whose mother was F. Scott Fitzgerald’s last lover.
• A Splitsider post about the Seinfeld “Parking Garage” bottle episode.
• A gossip columnist’s take on Selena Gomez’s rude ankle-baring selfie in a Dubai mosque.
• An NPR story about an English greenhouse that's battling global threats against the cocoa plant.

I researched vows of silence in the Catholic monastic tradition. I checked our bank account balance. I scrolled through my Facebook and Twitter feeds in search of new reading material on top of what I’ve already read today.

But none of that was what I set out to do this morning, and so this detour becomes what I want to talk about instead.

"The Parking Garage" episode of Seinfeld.

In the Seinfeld “Parking Garage” episode, Jerry drops a remark I think captures the trouble I’m having today: “Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?”

Now granted, it’s Sunday, not Saturday, but you get the point. The time-wasting that ensues on Facebook and in other types of Internet surfing is egged on by that little voice in your head that says: “Before you live your own life, check this person's life out. It’s bound to be better than what you had planned.”

But is it? Not usually. What is more rewarding than sticking to your commitment to write? What is better than the faithful pursuit of your craft? What gives more pleasure than knowing you are doing what you were made to do?

Next time I sit down to a blank page, I’m going to hold onto the memory of this moment and that wisdom from Seinfeld. And I’m going to close my web browser and buckle down to work.

Read more posts in the Storytelling Sunday series here.

I just attended a poetry workshop at Jot Writers' Conference. The workshop leader, Matt Landrum, of Structo Magazine, asked participants to bring poems to be read and critiqued by the group. I brought my poem "Wildscape," which I shared in my last blog post.
Second, I've taken out the parts in which the narrator passes judgment — e.g., "he smiled at me sardonically / and answered me laconically" and "the years had not been kind" — and I've replaced them with more detailed description — aiming to show instead of tell.

About Jot Writers' Conference

This graphic was borrowed from the popular TV show, "Mythbusters."

"You are not at the mercy of The Muse."

So saith one of my new favorite authors, Vinita Hampton Wright, in her delightful 2005 treatise on creativity and the spirit world, "The Soul Tells a Story: Engaging Creativity with Spirituality in the Writing Life."

Her startling declaration above directly contradicts the novice, some would say amateur assumption underlying much of my writing life to this point: I'm helpless to create until inspiration comes.

No, Wright says. You must write each day and trust that the words will come when you place your hands on the keyboard.

There will be days when you're writing page after page of free-flowing prose. There will be days when it's time to stop, buckle down and edit what you've written. There will be days when much of what you write later lands on the cutting room floor.

But you don't ever need to wait for this phantom-like Muse to strike. It's not that The Muse is a lie. It's not that you won't still experience those lightning-bolt moments of clarity when the words and ideas rush to you unbidden, nearly perfect and whole with no alteration.

That's the beauty of this calling. You'll still get that rush. You'll still write paragraphs that flow forth from your fingertips with no warning. When the tide ebbs, you'll look back and marvel at words that can only be described as supernaturally delivered, because there's no way you could have written them on your own.

But the essence of Wright's wisdom is that the well can never truly run dry. Why? Because creativity is a divine gift, a godlike attribute bestowed by the Ultimate Creator to every single person. It's He who gives it, and His resources are endless, His universe is infinite, and His love for his creatures is perfect.

If we trust in that, the only responsible thing to do is come to the keyboard each day and write. If you fear the words won't come, pray for them. Plead for them.

But don't give up. As my fellow writer Andrew Rogers recently urged, go to that comfy chair, that austere office, that bustling coffee house, wherever it is you do the work of perseverance, and trust that the God who fitted you to your calling will be faithful to supply what you need.

Learn more

To learn about the practices, inspiration, beauty and dangers of the writing life, as well as how to more fully integrate your creativity and spirituality, read Vinita Hampton Wright's book, "The Soul Tells a Story." You can find it at Amazon or at Barnes and Noble.

Read more posts in my Storytelling Sunday series here.

Recently, I was reminded to take seriously that each day is a gift. I can forget that truth amid the rush of work projects and the worries of life. Because my editing 9-to-5 is so much about meeting deadlines and staying one step ahead of the mountain that threatens to swallow me, I can forget to look around and appreciate the most important treasures in life.

1. The right and privilege to vote in U.S. elections

2. Poetry and songwriting

3. The power of spoken prayer

4. A new life to love

Emmy sleeps in my arms. (Photo: Adam Forrest)

In the past couple of weeks, I've dived back into novel-reading, a favorite pastime I was neglecting in favor of some other spare-time pursuits: yoga, running, writing and Netflix-watching.

A word on perspective

First person examples: 

What's your favorite point of view?

Breathe Christian Writers Conference was founded in 2007.

This morning, in light of something that happened yesterday, I am trying to rest in a promise I was taught in a workshop at Breathe Christian Writers Conference: I am God's beloved. I am the one Jesus loves, and He delights in me.

We need to speak those words out loud, author Suzanne Burden said during her workshop called "Writing the Hard Things to the Church and the World."

Burden said claiming those words is the Christian writer's first step toward being able to tell the truth in writing.

In that spirit, I'd like to share a true story from yesterday, Day 2 of the conference. (It is Storytelling Sunday, after all, folks!)

The liar returns

I strode confidently into my second-to-last workshop of the conference, "Glimpses of God: Reading and Writing Theological Memoir," led by Martie Bradley, one of the Breathe conference organizers.

As I walked by a table full of women, one of them broke free of her conversation and turned to me to say, "You are so gorgeous. I love your hair, you're so tall, you've got the whole look going, great posture, thin and everything. Do you model?"

My heart sank to the floor. The blood rushed to my face and neck, my eyes began to throb and palms began to sweat. I sat down and began unpacking my book bag, pulling out my note-taking materials with my eyes downcast.

"No," I said, eager to change the subject. "I don't."

"Why not?" they all chorused, expectantly.

A little voice in my head whispered, "You missed your calling."

I answered the voice with a silent scream torn from the lungs and vocal cords of my mind: "You're wrong! I know fiercely and truly that a life spent fixated on the beautification and presentation of my body would miss the mark. I would be ignoring my gift and passion to write!"

Aloud, I said with an apologetic grin, "I like to eat too much." The women smiled or chuckled and returned to their conversations. Thank you, Jesus, for ending this quickly.

But the voice inside my head kept talking: "You're only as good as your looks. You've always known that."

I've been fighting that voice my whole life. It's a liar. It's a liar whom I think all women believe, whether the version we accept is "You are good enough because of your beauty" or "You are not good enough because you are not beautiful enough."

Both lies take our focus off the truth: fulfillment and acceptance in Christ and knowledge of our identity as His beloved children.

As writers, it is simply not acceptable for us to believe and peddle lies. We are keepers of words. It is our responsibility to speak the truth with clarity and precision.

"Beauty is fleeting."

This is my challenge to you

Christian women, I challenge you today. Before you speak, consider whether what you will say is helpful for the spiritual, emotional and mental edification of your listener.

Consider these passages. I have been immersing myself in them this morning, soaking up the richness of the truth and beauty therein.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30).

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" (Colossians 3:12).

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment. ... Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:3-4).

"Listen, my child, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck" (Proverbs 1:8-9).

"List 10 books that have influenced your life."

I usually ignore list meme challenges on Facebook, but I couldn't resist jumping in on this one today. 

I like that it wasn't phrased, "List your favorite 10 books," because that would be an impossible task. I'm always discovering new books, and I don't really want to be held to a list of all-time favorites.

Without further ado, here's what I wrote -- and an extra step that I didn't add on Facebook: What I learned from each book.

1. To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. Atticus Finch, the quiet but outspoken fighter against injustice in all its forms, has been my hero since I read this book at a (probably too) tender age. His example instilled in me that the pursuit of justice is worth the personal sacrifice it often entails.




2. The Sea Wolf, by Jack London. I'm not sure I've met anyone as sadistic or amoral as this novel's titular antagonist, Captain Wolf Larsen. But he seems as real as any villain I've encountered. London's mesmerizing story follows literary critic Humphrey van Weyden as he is shipwrecked, then "rescued" by Larsen, a hedonistic, materialistic seal hunter-philosopher-captain, who brutalizes young "Hump" while also drawing him into nightly discussions of ideology and morality. Hands down one of the best books I've read exploring the capacity of humanity to exercise great evil while also showing great kindness. I learned from this book that ideology drives behavior.

3. Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen. This classic illustrates perfectly via the relationship of two very different sisters the tension between feeling and principle. Do I act with my heart, or should I follow my head? Austen's gift to readers is that we are left to conclude which sister ultimately gets it right.



4. Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott. I owe the shape of my writing life to protagonist Jo March -- the playwright, novelist, bookworm, fiery sister and fiercely loyal friend. She showed me how to love what is good, pursue what enriches and value what lasts. (Also: Thank you, Winona Ryder, for portraying Jo so faithfully and giving me such a good visual picture of what she should look like.)


5. The eight-novel Anne of Green Gables series, by L.M. Montgomery. I can't narrow it down to just the first book because the series is basically one long book, and I love it all. Anne Shirley inspires me for many of the same reasons Jo March does. She's independent, creative and charts her own path in life. But she stays moored in herself and her roots. (The image below is actually the same set I own.)


6. Our Mutual Friend, by Charles Dickens. This complex, 928-page tome was Dickens' last finished novel, and in my opinion, is his masterpiece. It weaves together the stories of about 20 major and dozens more minor characters as it explores the deceptiveness of wealth and the spectrum of human values and motives. The lead protagonists, John Harmon and Bella Wilfer, embody one of the most difficult and rewarding romances I've read in literature.


7. The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got That Way, by Bill Bryson. This book was my introduction to Bryson, a travel writer, language scholar and humorist who combines all three areas of expertise in all of his works I've read so far. This book explores the history of the English language, with all its influences, idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies. This book taught me that scholarly work can be fun as well as educational.


8. Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte. This 19th-century novel is about an orphaned waif who grows into womanhood as a governess while falling in love with her employer. Whatever your feelings about Rochester, I love that he loves plain Jane because of her mind, her intellect, her solid character. Jane Eyre challenges me to develop those traits instead of focusing on physical beauty.



9. The Lord of the Rings trilogy + prequel + appendixes, by J.R.R. Tolkien. This one doesn't really need much of an explanation. It's the ultimate adventure/fantasy trilogy, by the master himself. I love being pulled into his world-building. Tolkien inspires me to use writing to create places people want to visit.


10. Americanah, by a new favorite author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Since I don't at this point have the means to travel much, I like to hear of the world through the eyes of authors who come from other places. I heard Adichie, a Nigerian, speak a handful of years ago at the Calvin College Festival of Faith & Writing, and was blown away by her eloquence and power. I immediately bought three of her novels. I've been keeping up with everything she's written since, and I think this one is her best so far. She tells a tale of a young woman who, much like herself, has a stake in three very different worlds: Black Nigeria, Black America and White America. Places that don't understand each other. Places that need to try.