Rachel E. Watson

Jaguar the Magnificent reposes in all of her glorious well-being and badassitude.

I admit it. I'm a crazy cat lady. I'm also not a parent. But I do love children, especially my nieces and nephews. And I love my two kitties.

So, if you clicked through this headline hoping to be offended and voice it, go back to your Newsfeed or to the search engine from whence you came. This post is not for you.

This post is for all of my fellow sillies — blessed as parents or otherwise — especially my fellow good-humored cat- or pet-owners.

(Nancy) Sinatra perches atop our record collection. It's a good thing she isn't a kid.

10 Things People Say of Children That Also Are True of Cats:

1. I don't buy him/her all those toys you see all over the floor. It's the grandparents' doing.

2. Every time I clean up vomit, excrement or urine off the floors and/or walls, I have to remind myself, "I love him/her. I am doing this because I love him/her."

3. Kids/cats today are so spoiled. When I was a kid, we didn't have all this technology. Kids/cats weren't constantly being praised, talked up and/or plastered all over the Internet like celebrities. When I was a kid, children/cats were supposed to be seen and not heard. This world's going to the dogs! (Or is it the cats?!?)

4. I can't figure out why s/he is crying/whining. All the basic necessities are in place. WHAT IS WRONG?!?! WHY CAN'T I FIX IT?!?!?

5. I worry whenever they go outside. Will they get lost? Or worse?

6. Every kid/cat has a different personality. Just when I think I have my parenting/ownership tactics down, there's something new to learn. ¡Ay, caramba!

7. You shouldn't let the kid/cat eat your poinsettia plants. In fact, you probably shouldn't buy poinsettias. (I know! Sniff, sniff!)

8. If things are getting too quiet, you might want to check to see what they're up to. Hopefully they aren't eating tape or chewing on electrical cords.

9. Kid/cat-free vacations, if you can get them, are the best. For once, I'll actually get some sleep instead of being awakened at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6 a.m. — or all of the above — for feedings and/or no reason at all.

10. The best reason to be awakened in the middle of the night is to soothe an anxious heart. We cat owners/parents are so lucky we get to share our calming-the-amygdala tactics with the less fortunate, the least of these, the little ones.

Hope you have a great Friday! Enjoy your pets and/or kids today!

Read more of my cat-related or kid-related blog posts.